Scientific Method
by Amordaon
Summary: Basically, Sherlock won't stop texting John. John doesn't really mind that much. Made of fluff with eventual Johnlock.
1. Chapter 1

Note: This is my attempt at a "text-fic" between Sherlock and John. I've seen a few that are spectacular, so I thought I would give it a try. I have plans for a couple more chapters, so we'll see how this goes.  
Once again, not beta'd or britpicked, I am (of course) responsible for all errors (although hopefully I caught most of the glaring mistakes).

* * *

**11:12  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

John.  
SH

**11:14  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

John!  
SH

**11:15  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

JOHN!

**11:15  
**_From: John Watson_

Sherlock, I'm at work!

**11:16  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I realized. I tried shouting but you didn't answer.  
SH

**11:17  
**_From: John Watson_

Don't text me at work!

**11:18  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I'm not at work.

SH

**11:20  
**_From: John Watson_

Fine. Don't text me *when I'm at work.

**11:29  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

How tedious it must be to treat the sniffly masses.  
SH

**11:32  
**_From: John Watson_

What happened to not texting me at work?

**11:33  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Given the weather and the time of year, your last three patients have had some variation of the common cold.  
SH

**11:34  
**_From: John Watson_

That resolution lasted less than ten minutes.

**11:35  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

It was dull.  
SH

**11:38  
**_From: John Watson_

So you deleted it?

**11:39  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I didn't see the need to save it.  
SH

**11:41  
**_From: John Watson_

You're insufferable.

**11:42  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Thank you.  
SH

**11:45  
**_From: John Watson_

It wasn't a compliment.

**11:45  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Yes it was.  
SH

**12:30  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

John!  
SH

**12:35  
**_From: John Watson_

Still at work, Sherlock.

**12:36  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Emergency!  
SH

**12:37  
**_From: John Watson_

Real emergency, Sherlock? Or is it like last time, when you wanted tea and the kitchen was too far away? Or before that, when you needed a towel and realized there were none because you had ripped them all up for a case?

**12:40  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

That was essential to finding the killer.

**12:41  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

This is a real emergency.  
SH

**12:42  
**_From: John Watson_

What's going on?

**12:44  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I'm bored.  
SH

**12:47  
**_From: John Watson_

That's not an emergency.

**12:47  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

It is absolutely vital that you come home at once and entertain me!  
SH

**12:48  
**_From: John Watson._

Right. That's it, I'm turning my phone off.

**12:50  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

John!

**12:52  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Turn your phone back on!

**12:55  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I won't talk to you either, then.

**12: 58  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I miss you when you leave.


	2. Chapter 2

**2:09  
**_From: John Watson_

We're out of milk.

**2:15  
**_From: Sherlock_ _Holmes_

So?  
SH

**2:17  
**_From: John Watson_

Can you pick some up on your way home?

**2:19  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Why should I?  
SH

**2:20**  
_From: John Watson_

You still owe me.

**2:22**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes _

That was last week, John.  
SH

**2:23  
**_From: John Watson_

You blew up my bed!

**2:24**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

It was an experiment!  
SH

**2:25  
**_From: John Watson_

You nearly set our flat on fire!

**2:26**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I had it under control.  
SH

**2:27**  
_From: John Watson_

What if the building burned down? What if Mrs. Hudson had been injured?

**2:28**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Hypotheticals are irrelevant, John.  
SH

**2:29**  
_From: John Watson_

What were you even doing in my room?!

**2:31**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Well obviously I wasn't going to experiment on my own bed.

**2:33**  
_From: John Watson_

I've been sleeping on the couch for five days!

**2:34**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I don't blame you. It's very comfortable.

**2:35  
**_From: John Watson_

Sherlock!

**2:37**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I already apologized. I don't know why you're making such a fuss.

**2:38**  
_From: John Watson_

Maybe it doesn't matter to you because you're some weird alien that doesn't need to sleep, but I need a bed!

**2:39  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Yes, you explained that very loudly several days ago.

**2:41**  
_From: John Watson_

WILL YOU JUST GET THE BLOODY MILK?

**2:42**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I though the blood was why you threw out the last carton.

**2:45**

Fine.  
SH

**3:00**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I'm at the store. Where is the milk?  
SH

**3:04**  
_From: John Watson_

You're an intelligent human being, Sherlock, I'm sure you can find it. Try looking for a big refrigerator.

**3:05  
**_From: John Watson_

Or ask someone. It won't kill you to talk to other people.

**3:10**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I talked to a man and he started crying and ran away.

**3:12**  
_From: John Watson_

Oh God. What did you say to him?!

**3:13**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes  
_

I only told him that his obsession with sleeping with large women is an attempt to attain female attention which stems from a childhood deficiency of maternal attention.

**3:14**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes  
_

Not good?  
SH

**3:17**  
_From: John Watson_

Not good. Very not good.

**3:18**  
_From: John Watson_

I was wrong. You shouldn't talk to people.

**3:24**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I found the milk!  
SH

**3:36**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I didn't get the milk.  
SH

**3:38  
**_From: John Watson_

What? Why not?

**3:39**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I was escorted from the premises.  
SH

**3:40**  
_From: John Watson_

What did you do?!

**3:41  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

It seems that store managers don't like having their sexual history detailed in front of their employees and customers.

**3:43  
**_From: John Watson_

Why did you— Never mind. I don't want to know.

**3:44  
**_From: John Watson_

I should have known better than to try and get you to do anything that doesn't immediately benefit you.

**3:48  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Stop being angry with me, John. It's so tedious.  
SH

**3:50  
**_From: John Watson_

I'm not angry.

**3:52  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Oh?

**3:53  
**_From: John Watson_

I've decided what you can do to make it up to me. You are going to buy me a new bed.

**3:55  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Ah.

**3:56  
**_From: John Watson_

You destroyed the old one, you can pay for the new one.

**4:00  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

All right.  
SH

**4:01  
**_From: John Watson_

Really?

**4:03  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Don't act surprised. You suggested it.

**4:06  
**_From: John Watson_

I didn't think you would actually agree.

**4:08  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

It's a fair and logical solution.

**4:09**  
_From: Sherlock Ho__lmes_

In fact I was going to suggest it myself.

**4:11  
**_From: John Watson_

Oh.

**4:12**  
_From: John Watson_

That's rather... sweet, I guess.

**4:15  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Meet me outside. I'm taking you bed shopping.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Fluffity fluff fluff. Hopefully this isn't too OOC.

* * *

**6:34**

_From: Sherlock Holmes_

John?  
SH

**6:38  
**_From: John Watson_

Yes?

**6:40  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Does it upset you when people think that we are a couple?  
SH

**6:42  
**_From: John Watson_

Where did that come from?

**6:43  
**_From: John Watson_

I don't know. Maybe. No. Not really.

**6:44  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Thank you for being so precise.

**6:45  
**_From: John Watson_

Well, does it upset you?

**6:46  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

No.

**6:47  
**_From: John Watson_

Oh.

**6:49  
**_From: John Watson_

Why did you ask?

**6:51  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

You always act upset when people make that assumption.  
SH

**6:53  
**_From: John Watson_

It used to bother me. But it doesn't as much, anymore. I suppose I've gotten used to it.

**6:54  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

You always correct them, though.

**6:56  
**_From: John Watson_

None of them ever listen.

**6:59  
**_From: John Watson_

You never correct them.

**7:00**  
_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Their opinions are unimportant.  
SH

**7:02  
**_From: John Watson_

You always correct everyone. About everything.

**7:03  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

No I don't.  
SH

**7:04  
**_From: John Watson_

Yesterday at the bank you spent 15 minutes explaining to the teller why he should use a black pen instead of a blue one.

**7:06  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

That was important.

**7:07  
**_From: John Watson_

How on earth was that more important than whether we are a couple or not?

**7:09  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

I don't have a problem with people thinking that we are together. It is a perfectly logical assumption to make, given the data that they have, and it does not affect them or us. Correcting them is an unnecessary waste of breath.  
SH

**7:12  
**_From: John Watson_

But correcting the bank teller was necessary.

**7:13  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Obviously._  
_

**7:16  
**_From: John Watson._

It does affect us, Sherlock. It affects me.

**7:19  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

If you want me to correct them, I will.  
SH

**7:21  
**_From: John Watson_

No.

**7:22  
**_From: John Watson_

I don't want that.

**7:25  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

What do you want?  
SH

**7:29  
**_From: John Watson_

It's hard to explain.

**7:30  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Try. I'm very smart.  
SH

**7:32  
**_From: John Watson_

Well, if the world's going to think I'm gay, I'd rather have them to think that I've managed to attract the great Sherlock Holmes than anyone else.

**8:01  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Have you ever thought about us in a romantic sense?  
SH

**8:03  
**_From: John Watson_

Kind of hard not to, isn't it, with everyone assuming we're together.

**8:04  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

And?

**8:07  
**_From: John Watson_

I mean, well, you're you. You get bored after two hours without a case. I don't think that I'd be able to keep you interested.

**8:09  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Hmm. Drawing conclusions without all the relevant data can lead to false deductions.

**8:10  
**_From: John Watson_

What does that mean?

**8:13  
**_From: Sherlock Holmes_

Your reasoning implies that you are not opposed to the idea of entering into a romantic relationship with me of itself.

**8:15  
**_From: John Watson_

Well. I mean. It's complicated, isn't it.

**8:17  
**_From: John Watson_

Fine then. No, I'm not opposed.

**8:18  
**_From: John Watson_

Why are we talking about this over text?

**8:23**  
_From: John Watson_

Sherlock?

**8:25**  
_From: John Watson_

Have you thought about it?

**8:26**_  
From: Sherlock Holmes_

Thought about what?  
SH

**8:27**_  
From: John Watson_

Us.

**8:28**_  
From: Sherlock Holmes_

Yes.  
SH

**8:29**_  
From: John Watson_

Well?

**8:31**_  
From: Sherlock Holmes_

I am married to my work, John.  
SH

**8:35**_  
From: John Watson_

Right. Of course.

**8:39**_  
From: Sherlock Holmes_

But I would not be adverse to cheating.


End file.
